“Stop Living Someone Else’s Life: The Radical Path to Your True Desires”

Imagine you wake up to the sound of roosters crowing. You open your eyes and look around the tiny hut that is your home. You've awoken before dawn of course. If you're a woman, you get right to work spinning wool, if you're a man, you head out to plow the fields and tend to the crops.

This scene could be playing out in any number of places or eras. You could be in 1250AD, Medieval Europe or in a prairie in 1820's America.

Your day, your life in fact, is pretty much the same.

And, your future? Largely predetermined.

The Lack of Choice in History

For most of our history, the individual’s path had been laid out for them. There was really very little choice in what you do with your life.

Contrast this with life today and all the different choices and options you have before you. For the first time ever, you get to decide what’s next and you’re also in a position to make it happen!

And Suddenly, EVERYTHING changes...

In the past, even just a generation or two ago, society dictated your path. There was a laid out plan and you were supposed to follow it.

Most followed the expected path, conforming to societal norms. A few dared to defy convention, risking both great success and potential failure. Those that didn’t had various degrees of success, or failure, or even in some instances catastrophe.

Those who did follow the plan ended up in jobs, careers or situations which had them looking forward to the weekend, and then their annual vacation, and the holy grail - retirement.

That went on for a while but times have definitely changed.

You have the internet and AI and all the information in the world at your fingertips.

You can learn how to do most things without stepping foot on a college campus or even stepping outside your front door.

You can learn a strategy for investing, for managing money, for making the money that you’ll later manage, a strategy for creating a business and a life you love.

You can learn music and how to create art.

You can travel easier and faster and to more destinations than anyone ever has in the history of our civilization. 

Your Fear of Responsibility

So if it’s that easy, why isn’t everyone doing it? Well that is where the problem lies. Most people are deathly afraid of taking responsibility for their lives.

When you follow a plan created by someone else, responsibility shifts away from you, allowing blame to be placed elsewhere.

"They" are responsible and at fault, not you.

This gives most people a really easy out.

You can hold the resentment and have a very valid reason for why you didn't achieve the greatness you were destined for - it’s because your parents stifled you and forced you into the safer choice.

Or, it’s because you had a family to support and couldn’t afford to take the time to learn new things so you can change your life.

Radical Honesty: The Brutal, Beautiful Truth About You

See, all of that happens with millions of people and they’re all suffering.

The root cause is the reluctance to take full responsibility for your own life. If you actually took charge and did what you wanted, what then? Well there’s the possibility and actually the likelihood of failure, right? You might fail and therefore realize that you aren't as brilliant as you assumed you’d be if given the chance to attempt this lofty goal. 

It's infinitely easier and way safer to stay in the realms of fantasy and dreamland. Taking action has inherent risks.

And that right there stops most people.

So, are you most people?

Or are you willing to take the leap and create the life you truly desire? Genuine question to ask yourself - it’s just you and you reading this letter, no one to hide from.

Radical honesty is the key.

You see, we have our fantasy lives and our living realities and sometimes, every now and then, those two intersect.

But, we are often more than happy keeping them separate because in the fantasy world, you’re brilliant, capable of so much - if only you didn’t have the disapproving parents, the ADHD, the neurodivergence, the health issues, the depression, the fatigue, the lack of focus, the abusive ex and the divorce, the etc etc etc.

These are all things, by the way, that I've used as an excuse for why I am not where I wanted to be. 

Excuses, Lies, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves

But remember, we are striving for radical honesty, aren't we? So in that case, what is the truth, where does radical honesty bring us? I think the truth is that we are so afraid of finding out things about ourselves that we’d rather not know.

Things like for instance that I’d rather scroll TikTok for two hours than work on creating the content I say I desperately want to create.

Or that my past failures are weighing heavier on me than I’ve been able to admit to myself.

Or perhaps that the question of "what if this doesn't work out?" has held me back for way longer than I intended.

Are You Using Your Loved Ones?

We stay in situations, careers, relationships, friendships for way longer than we want to because they give us someone and something to blame.

They provide a service.

They take away the burden of responsibility.

But if and when we leave, when it is only us left, we then have no one to look at but ourselves.

That’s when the work of Truth with a capital T begins.

Radical? Honesty?

Radical Honesty.

I’ve seen people—those really close to me—go to their deathbed blaming everyone around them. They wonder what could have been if only they had been given the chance, not realizing they had the chance all along but simply chose not to take it.

It’s so sad to see life come to an end and the opportunity over.

You’re not there yet, you’re here, reading this, taking it in and thinking about it. That means, there is hope for you.

Unmasking Your True Desires: No More Playing Pretend

What are the things you’ve not been able to do because of xyz person or situation?

For example, have you wanted to start a business but felt held back due to your duty to your family?

Or perhaps you’ve dreamed of traveling but convinced yourself your finances made it impossible? 

What do I truly want exercise

Reflect on the areas where you’ve felt constrained and identify patterns. 

• Make a list right now of all of the things you've wanted to do but could not because of your parents, your family, your current or past unique situation. 

• Which of those things still light a fire in you? 

• Which ones do you desire to create? 

• What’s stopping you? Remember, you can’t blame anyone else - you must look within to find the answer.

Minding the Gap Exercise

Compare what you discovered to what you’ve been dedicating your days to and spending your time and energy on:

• Is there a good amount of overlap?

• Are you heading in the right direction?

• Is there a good correlation between what your priority is in this chapter of your life and what you spend the biggest amount of your energy, time, and money on?

If yes, then you can go even deeper and see where you can set your focus to creating the ideal you wrote out and have that as your North Star.

This has to be something that fires you up—you have to feel good and excited about it.

Do you?

If yes, great!

If not, go back and do the exercise above again, and this time, breathe deep and stick to the tenet of radical honesty.

If you don’t see much overlap—that’s great too!

You’ve made an insanely important discovery, and now you have a direction that will serve as your guiding light.

Plus, you also now know how wide the gap between where you are and where you want to be is. Which means you can work on closing the gap.

Your next move would be to create a game plan with the steps you’re going to take in order to close the gap.

If you get overwhelmed, break it down into smaller and smaller steps until it feels very manageable—that whole "eating an elephant" thing.

You’re doing great, and you’re on your way to creating exactly the life that you desire. Now that you know what the most important thing for you right now is, you can focus on it.

The Crucial Next Step and the Secret Key to All of This

What is it?

Why aren’t you where you say you want to be?

Do you still want this - the answer seems like a yes since you put that on your list as something that fires you up.

So therefore now we search for the answer as to why you’re not there yet.

We’re venturing into shadow work territory. Shadow work is a concept popularized by Carl Jung who truly made strides in bridging the gap between it being a concept in modern psychology, ancient spiritual traditions, and understanding and use in everyday life.

"Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is." - Carl Jung

The shadow work realm is where the radical honesty gets very real. The shadow is the space where all the things you’d rather not confront lie.

The unanswered prayers, unfulfilled dreams, the desires that may lead to shame or guilt.  Thoughts that you dare not admit to thinking; all of that is the realm of the shadow self.

It’s the part of you that you know exists but you’d rather not have anyone else find out about.

Wait, let me clarify—because the truth of that statement is going to vary based on how comfortable you are with the shadow aspect.

For some people, the shadow aspect “doesn’t exist.” They are so far removed from the parts of themselves they've denied and hidden for so long.  And, they are so deeply resonated with guilt and shame that they choose to deny the existence of their shadow.

I don’t think that’s you.

Because those who focus on personal growth and development, those who are constantly doing the work have encountered the parts of themselves that are less than great and have at the very least started making peace with them.

Why are we going on and on about the shadow?

Well, because this is where the truth about what you actually want lies.

This is also where the answers are to why you haven't achieved it yet.

One of my favorite Carl Jung quotes speaks so honestly to the human experience:

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

Most people who delve into the shadow and shadow work assume that it only holds "negative feelings, memories, and experiences," but that is far from true. '

The shadow holds all of the parts of us that are unseen by us; the parts we hide and the parts we are blind to.

In this letter, we’re focusing on finding what you truly want by peeking into the shadow; we aren't focusing on the things in the shadow that are blocks or hindrances.

I have several blogs written on this and a shadow work journal too.

So therefore, the shadow is a treasure trove of information.

It offers you the opportunity to unlock the truth about why you’re here and what you’re meant to do. The shadow can enable you to go deeper into who you truly are, and as a result, you will be able to find what you truly want.

Once you do, you can set out on the next step, which is to understand why that truth was hidden from you—by you. And once you get to that, you’ll find what's actually preventing you from having what you want.

The blocks, limiting beliefs, and any guilt or shame around what you truly want will be revealed so that you can see it, witness it, deal with it, and let it go.

This is simple, not easy, and—I don't say this lightly—life-altering.

I’ve seen it happen, I’ve experienced it myself, and I’ve helped facilitate it for thousands of people.

I am a huge proponent of shadow work and highly advise you to start the process if you haven't already.

I have an extensive shadow work manual blog here that you can use to start your shadow work journey. I also have several tools like The Shadow Work journal and the End Self Sabotage Now course, if you're ready and willing to go to the next level of your life.

{IMPORTANT: I believe so much in the life changing power of shadow work, I am giving away my shadow work journal for free to my newsletter subscribers, get it here: and enter discount code }

From Lightbulb Moment to Life-Changing Moves

Let’s say you did all of the above—you’ve realized what you truly want, you’ve been radically honest with yourself, and you also now know what your limiting beliefs are around this.

Now what? What’s the true value of this?

Well, this information is gold, provided that you're willing to take action. Because once you know what you truly want, it's as if this magical fire is lit from within—a fire that pushes you to go after that which makes you feel alive.

You start realizing you’re not lazy or unmotivated; you’ve simply been doing things that aren’t for you, that you didn’t truly want.

When you start working towards the things you actually do desire and you combine that with doing the inner work to remove the limiting beliefs surrounding it, you become unstoppable.

This is how people achieve amazing feats, build really cool businesses and inventions, and get to live their dreams.

This is literally the secret formula for an amazing life.

So You’ve Had an Epiphany… Now What?

You’re not lazy, or a failure, and it isn't your fate to suffer in a mundane existence.

You are meant to thrive.

Up until now, you’ve most likely been chasing other people’s dreams, but today that changes.

Embrace what you truly want and own it.

Become okay with it. Once you do, others will too (maybe not everyone, but remember, you're only responsible to yourself and only for yourself).

You're now on your way to creating a life that truly lights you up from within.

These are incredible first steps but this is a journey.

I highly suggest you use this momentum to go deeper via the End Self Sabotage Now course.

Because, as soon as you orient your internal GPS towards your north star, the protective mechanisms of fear will rise up within you.

I have an entire article on this here. 

Whatever you choose to do, to thine own self, be true.